Well, guys, it's New Years' Eve. (At least, it is in Australia. Suck it, America!) We'll wake up tomorrow in a new year, a new decade, and with a new hangover. Hopefully not a new tattoo. That one wasn't so fun last time.
But what of 2009, you may ask. Are you just going to cast it aside and forget about it? Well, yeah. I am. It's not a person, you guys. It doesn't have feelings. 2009 is like one of those Christmas puppies nobody can be bothered taking care of after Boxing Day. We're over that shit. Time to move on.
I suppose, for the sake of this entry, that I can look back and relive a few 2009 moments for you. Why not? It's not like it was a particularly sucky year or anything.
1) Did you keep any New Years' resolutions, and will you make any this year?
No, I didn't keep any New Years' resolutions, because I don't make New Years' resolutions. So you can imagine what the answer to that second part of the question is going to be.
2) Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. And ew, how is that any of your business, Internet? What my friends do with their uteruses is up to them and them alone.
3) What countries did you visit?
Australia. Wait...does it still count if that's where you live?
4) What would you like to have in 2010 that you didn't have in 2009?
Some fucking money, perhaps? And a pony. And nirvana. (I will accept either the state of mind or the band, to be honest. They're both pretty gnarly.)
5) What date in 2009 will remain etched into your memory and why?
The day Bea Arthur died. You truly are a merciless God, aren't you?
6) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Oh boy, this is the part of the quiz where I'm reminded that I achieved absolutely nothing this year. Oh, I got a new job. And have kept it thus far. That's an achievement, yes?
7) What was your biggest failure?
Clearly, not achieving more stuff.
8) Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. I don't get sick. Truly, I don't. It defies all logic and biology, but that's just me. I'm a logic-defyer. I did watch Twlilght, though, which I think counts as both.
9) What was the best thing you bought?
The other day I bought this really cool Christmas pen. It's sparkly and fluffy, and when you press it to paper, the glittery Christmas tree lights up and plays Jingle Bells. It is literally the tackiest thing I've ever seen, and I love it to death.
10) How many people did you kiss in 2009?
I would really rather not say. 2009 was a very good year for me, kissing-wise. I don't want to begin the New Year with the world wide webiverse thinking I'm a slut.
11) Where did most of your money go?
DVDs. And beer. And ridiculous pens.
12) What did you get really excited about?
There was this Spanish kid in my Cinema tute at uni who I always looked really forward to seeing. His name was Eduardo, and my attraction to him at first was purely based on his accent and the fact that our nonexistent relationship was very entertaining for my mates. Then he started sitting next to me every class, and we actually became friends. (Sort of.) Heck, Eduardo, you were something else. Plus, you liked Fight Club.
13) What song will always remind you of 2009?
That stupid 'Single Ladies' song. Didn't anybody take offence to the fact that Beyonce was strutting around in, like, a bathing suit and heels, singing about how boys are so lame because they can't commit, WHEN JAY-Z TOTALLY PUT A RING ON HER FINGER? Thanks for rubbing it in, Mrs. Z.
14) What do you wish you had done more of in 2009?
Hanging out with my old mates. We're way too busy buying light-up pens and sexually harrassing foreign exchange students to catch up these days.
15) What do you wish you had done less of in 2009?
Cocaine. Ha ha, just kidding. Seriously, though, cocaine.
16) What was your favourite film of 2009?
The Dark Knight. What's that, naysayers? The Dark Knight came out last year? You don't think I know that? I went and saw it opening day. It's just that I didn't see any good movies this year at all. I could tell you my least favourite film -- The Ugly Truth. Katherine Heigl plays the same character in every single film she makes, and she should no longer have a SAG card. Oh, and Couples Retreat. Sucked. Big time. That's the last time I go see a movie because I like one of the actors in it -- damn your unconventional sexiness, John Favreau!
17) Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most?
Jennifer Aniston. You know she's dating three guys at once right now? Eat that, Brad Pitt. Jen and her roaming vagina = my heroine.
18) What political issues stirred you the most in 2009?
I think there was some big inauguration thing in the US that I recall staying up until 3am to watch.
19) Who is someone new you met that made an impression on you?
One of my coworkers at the club. He is literally the gayest man on the planet, and yet claims to have a wife and children. Does not compute, Dean. I honestly think you're a raging homosexual, and that's totally okay by me. As long as you keep doing that origami thing with the napkins you do frightening well.
20) Sum up 2009.
What? Didn't I just do that? One of my highlights was buying a motherfucking pen. I do not wish to discuss this year any further.
That's it for me in '09. I'll be back bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in '10. (Unless I die of alcohol poisoning tonight, and if you've seen the state of my fridge, you'll know that's entirely possible.) Stay sexy, Internet!