So I was out with a bunch of friends the other day when I noticed something, something that has been freaking me out since. My three closest friends in the world all have these boyfriends who they've been dating for at least a year. They're all named James. That's weird, right? I'm pretty sure that's weird. But that's not the weird thing I noticed the other day. Obviously, that had crossed my mind before, like when I was introduced to James the Third, pretty much. I'm quick on the uptake like that.
No, what I discovered the other day will annoy me for as long as these people continue seeing each other. See, one girl and her James were telling a story together (which is another couple behaviour I hate, but anyway), and at one point, they made exactly the same facial expression at exactly the same time. And I realised that they look alike. Which of course got me thinking -- all of these girls look like their respective Jameses. And not just in a certain light, either. They freakin' look alike. In a creepy brother-sister sort of way.
Science tells us that we're instinctively attracted to people who share likenesses with us. I tell Science, "Science, I thought I dropped you as a subject in Year Ten, what are you still doing telling me things?" Part of me really likes this idea, though, that deep down we're so vain that our perfect mate needs to look just like us. We can deny compliments and loudly complain about our weight all we want, but our mating rituals cut through all the treacle and tell the world that we each think we're the hottest person on the planet, and when it comes to One and Onlies, we'll only accept someone that shares our amazing attributes. I like it. Science may not be able to take my hints, but it makes us all just a little bit more honest.
Naturally, that got me thinking about me and my preferences. Since my flightiness ensures that I'll never had a relationship that lasts more than a few weeks, I have quite a large test group to consider when deciding if I, too, follow this pattern. For privacy's sake, I'll change their names and post pictures of celebrities who share their physical attributes, but you get the idea. Naturally, let's get the ball rolling and start off with yours truly.
Name: Lorelai (and I'm not so up myself as to think I actually look like Dianna Agron. She's the only celebrity I've ever been told I look like, and she's super hot, so I'm gonna run with it.)
Hair: Medium length, blonde
Height: 5ft. 3
Distinguishing features: Great boobs, but that's not necessarily a feature I find attractive on men.
And the boys:
Name: Let's just call him...Aden.
Hair: Shaggy, dark brown, with a blue bit at the front
Height: 6 ft. 4
Distinguishing features: A tattoo on his chest, and the blue hair thing. Kind-of lanky. Good teeth.
Jury says: Certainly never looked like me in any sort of light. I remember finding his height particularly appealing.
Hair: Short, dark brown
Height: Not exceptionally tall, maybe about 5 ft. 9
Distinguishing features: He had a nice solid nose on him. Not in a gross Adrien Brody kind of way. It made him look distinguished.
Jury says: Nope, not this one either. Maybe more so than Aden, but nothing to write home about. We're still really good friends.
Hair: Short, Light brown
Height: Well over 6 ft
Distinguishing features: Buff footy player body. He had an arm sleeve tattoo, and he was also a real Aussie bloke's bloke.
Jury says: Personality? Sure. I can definitely see why got along so well. Looks? Not so much as a resemblance. In fact, if we're talking facial features, I see some similarities between him and Wade. Maybe I should hook them up.
Hair: Shaggy blonde
Height: Five ft. 11, maybe? I'm really no good with heights
Distinguishing features: Exceptionally pretty. Like, Jesus Christ, the guy was beautiful. He had an air of arrogant hipster douche to him, though.
Jury says: Hmm...I guess out of all my test subjects, we're probably the closest match physically. God, that sounds vain, doesn't it? After I bragged about his hotness and included the Angelface picture and everything? Oh, well. I'm being honest, just like Science. Blame Science.
Conclusion: Perhaps I haven't settled down yet because I keep finding people who are too different from me. Because it seems to me -- and feel free to disagree -- but it seems like I try to find men with physical attributes I'm lacking. I'm an absolute sucker for tall guys, despite the fact that I myself am a tiny little woman. My deepest relationships seem to be with brunettes, and I do like a man with tattoos. (Of which I have none, although I do have a closet dream to get the Jack Sparrow sun tatt on my bum.)